I've been insulted one too many times

I've been accused of a lot of things on these boards. Now I just find out that the thread Paula created is about me, although she said she wouldn't name names.

I posted a response, and was told my Morgan that I broke the rules. Rules that Morgan isn't even here enough to watch over, which is hilarious to me!

I find it bizarre that we all get alone very very well until Paula and Morgan begin posting, and then everything goes to hell.

I would delete my membership in a heartbeat right now, but I don't want to say goodbye to the FRIENDS I have made on the boards here....people who freely tell me they love me and care about me.

However, I will be taking a long break. So don't look for me or any updates on my doctor visits or the problems I'm having with my leg.

I wish you all well. I am sorry I am such a bad person who is a rule-breaker when all I try to do is be courteous and sensitive to everyone else's needs. I have now seen the light, and I refuse to be talked to like I was today by anyone in any walk of my life.

I have enough on my plate right now recovering from open heart surgery, a set-back with my leg, more skin cancer surgeries to face, and high prescription costs to deal with in the new year. I don't need the insults and aggravation that I received today. That I know.

I am highly insulted, so I will disappear for awhile. Hope everyone has a nice Christmas and a Happy New Year.

  

So glad you won't be deleting your membership. And I completely understand where you're coming from. You are by far the most kind hearted etc. etc. man I know.

And again, I have to agree with everything you just stated. You ARE NOT the one who stirred the pot.:(

One more thing - given your current heart condition, PLEASE try not to allow this to upset you too much. You've got to take good care of you

I fully expected this to be the result as i already posted earlier.

Joe, i hope you change your mind as you will be missed by many.  We all have oir challenges and i am here when my health and sanity allow.  In the meantime i have two dependable and trusted people watching over the board.

I call things as i see them, joe.  Ive always tried to be very honest.  You were hurt when paula didnt post for you regardless of why.  You took the time to watch when she was onboard and then posted a veiled message aboit how awful it was to not post to you.  Im sure many people were aware of who you were referencing.  You meant to call out and hurt Paula and you succeeded.  This is the result. We are all capable of getting ourselves into uncomfortable positions sometimes.

Its all very sad and i hope you both choose to stay as members whether you post or not.

It seems ok for you joe, to take a break and not post because you are having hard times but it was not ok with you for paula to do the same.  That just doesnt seem fair.

Joe, i love u and meant no insult but we can all say mean things when we are mad and when its done here iit will be deleted.

Even lori and susan can edit me.  No one gets a free pass here.

I hope u feel better soon and continue to post.

The most important thing right now, Joe, is your health... and I will agree with Phyllis... try not to let this upset you too much.  

Morgan, your language to me is unacceptable.  I am disgusted with how you have treated me today.

I deleted the post I had on Paula's thread, but I see it's back up there.  I have no idea how that could happen, but I did delete it.

You know, Morgan, it's really funny to me that you would drag me through the mud (and then have the gall to say you "love" me LOL) when HOW DID ANYONE HERE KNOW WHAT PAULA WAS GOING THROUGH?  She comes along today out of the blue and posts a rude message and then lists her problems, as if anyone here knew what she was going through.

You can edit this one too, or delete it (and thereby delete me), but Paula dropped me (and everyone here) when she got her boyfriend.  She warned people on the board here who were friendly with me that I was "all hers" and "to keep your hands off."  I found this out much later after the fact, and, I have to tell you, it freaked me out that I was being possessed by someone I didn't even know in real life....especially since I was being talked about like a lover or something when I am a gay man.  Also, and she would be crazy to deny it, once I came home from being out somewhere (a few years ago).  My neighbor from across the street came over with a piece of paper and asked me if I was okay.  I said that I was, and asked why she asked.  She handed me the piece of paper and said that "some woman by the name of Paula called our house checking on you."  I was astounded.  I asked my neighbor, "How did she get your number," and my neighbor said, "That's what I would like to know."  I was humiliated.  I keep a very low profile where I live, and I don't bother a soul.  When I talked to Paula, I was not a happy camper because she had done what she had done.  I asked her how she got my neighbor's name and number, and her response to me was, "Remember, I work for the police department."    She also threatened to have the  local police come to my home to check on me if I didn't post for a couple days.

AND NOW SHE CAN'T EVEN WISH ME WELL AFTER SURGERY!  Can you NOT see the bigger picture, Morgan?  Can you not see how offensive this is to me?  Can you not understand how you talking down to me and stirring the pot using my name is not insulting to me?  

Look, I just had open heart surgery just a little over a month ago.  I should not be all riled up like I am right now.  I sure as hell don't want to wind back up in the hospital with a heart attack or a set back of some kind other than what I already have to deal with.

How could I think that you care one iota for me, Morgan?  You have made me feel terrible, and I feel as though it was done to embarrass me and make me feel badly, so you succeeded.  I hope you're proud of yourself.  I hate being condescended to or treated like a child, and you do that in spades all the time to me.  It infuriates and insults me.  Deal with it.  I've had to deal with how you treat me for a long, long time.

Like I said earlier, everyone here gets along SO VERY WELL....NEVER A HARSH WORD....WE CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER AND FREELY SHOW IT...until you, Morgan, or Paula come along and stir everything up.  

I can't believe my posts are being edited!  What's the matter?  Can't handle my truth?  Can't handle me expressing exactly how I feel?  How would you like it if I could edit your words?

Phyllis, don't get yourself involved in this bullshit.  I don't want you getting your feelings hurt like mine were today.  Believe me, it isn't worth it.

Now, edit or delete away.  I will come back when I feel like it, and I will speak to my FRIENDS on this board.  I think I've been treated extremely unfairly, and I am highly offended.

I know, Becca, but it's hard not to be upset when you are treated like crap and talked to in such a rude way.

Just remind yourself that it's not worth risking your health.

I'm going to tell you what the neuropsychologist told John today regarding things that are stressful and overwhelming. Walk away and breathe.   

Just for the record, I won't edit you Morgan - bottom line, whether you are here or not, this is your board.

I know Joe will come back when he is ready and on his terms. When someplace is truly home, it's hard to stay away for long.

I personally will be stepping back a bit for the next few days - making my own statement of what I feel is wrong and right.

 love to Joe, Paula and all. Please take a breather, it's not worth hurting your health.

Joe

If paula was invasive with you, why did you not inform me of that.  That is also a posted rule of the board that we must respect each others boundries.  And why in the world after that would you bother to care if she wished you well.

As for the editing, i am the moderator of the board and it is done at my discretipn.  Feel free to put the time, effort and work into building a family and you can be a moderator of your own board.  There are still free boards out thrre.

I am very sad to know that the love and friendship we once shared is not a part of you.  I had no idea.  I have always loved and cared aboit you joe and even with a room full of people have always checked the board on christmas to make sure you were not alone.  I was not aware of yoir growing resentment.  I think of you often with much love.  I only did what i thought was fair. How hurtful for you to say everything is fine until i participate. I hope thats just anger speaking.

I did not delete the original thread.  I k ow nothing about that.  I also do not habe the ability to repost once its been deleted.  Im not sure what happened there.

Im sorry you are angry and i hope u can remain calm for your health.

Id end with i love you but i see thats not welcome.


Morgan

Wow! glad I have been so busy, seems like the old days please everyone just step back don't go away this
board is all some people have to keep in touch with each other. Hugs to all.

I missed this somehow, and still cannot fathom what exactly happened to start and cause so much hurt. Joe, please do not stay away long! You know how much we love you here, and definitely want nothing to get in the way of your recovery. It has been so wonderful to see you happy, and enjoying the Season this year, as you get better and better healthwise. I know you are facing much more medically in the future, and definitely want to be there for you.  
Morgan, Please don't leave this board, which you created. Without it, we would never have become the family we are. I know you have been going thru so much physical and mental torture, with your illness for years now, and many of us have been praying for you, too. 
I hope, with a little time away, (but not too much ), you can both forgive, and /or let go of the unkind remarks that have been made to each of you. You both have conquered obstacles, that are unbelievable, so you do have something still in common. Hope my post doesn't offend either of you,or anyone else, but don't want either of you to feel so betrayed, and angry, especially when you do have so much support here, from many of us. Please don't stay away for long.  

Gamma

I moved a post to the kitchen that migjt clarify what happened yesterday.

I too hope joe feels better and comes back to his family soon.
Thank you for your kind words and encouraging me also but it migjt be better for everyone if when all this turmoil clears that i remove myself. Im just giving it some thought. Ive been up all nigjt. Forgive me if im not making much sense.

Hollow words, Morgan. You weren't the only one upset last night. And I am recovering from quadruple bypass, but you thought nothing of riling me up in an ignorant, uncalled for, and rude way. I will never forget that. And sorry if the truth hurt. We GET ALONG FINE UNTIL YOU OR PAULA SHOW UP AND GET EVERYTHING ALL STIRRED UP.

Take a few minutes and click on my name and then go through my posts. Scan them; you don't have to read them in detail. I defy you to find anything in any of my messages to people on here that aren't full of caring thoughts, concern, best wishes, love, prayers, and humor. Sorry if me being opinionated and that I refuse to take crap from anyone (including you or Paula) bothers you. I do know you like to fight. You loved to fight with Joan and Jane, and now it seems you have a target on me, but then, after you do and say what you do and say, you come on with hollow words in order to save face.

I didn't tell you about Paula crossing boundaries because I HANDLED IT MYSELF. Funny how we never need rules until you come around more often. Again, the truth. Sorry if that bothers you, but it IS the truth. There hasn't been one harsh word in ages on here...until yesterday. Who started it? Who flared it even further? Who defended himself?

I'll repeat something I told you a few times before. The very first time I can to these boards (via Toonces), I introduced myself, told who I was, and said that I was gay. During that first day, you, Morgan, said something to me that was so rude and gross that I will never repeat it to anyone. I almost left that first day to never come back, but everyone else seemed so nice that I decided to stay. I have never forgotten what you said to me that first day, and I never will. It was uncalled for. I think you have a problem because I'm gay, to be honest, because what you said was slanted against me for being gay. You thought it was funny. I thought it was unnecessary and very mean-spirited.

You are not my mother, so quit talking to me like I'm a child.

To my FRIENDS: I'm off to the doctor. Say a prayer for me. Love you all! Sorry I'm once again stuck in the middle of crap going on here on the boards, but you all should know me well enough to know that I'm not going to just sit here and take it...especially since I did NOTHING to provoke the comments that were made about me and to me. It's a shame that one can't just come here and have fun without having to defend yourself.

Since you have in your words defied me to find a post not full of love and caring, ill take you up on it.  i,ll choose this last one,
?  The last post you just made was pure hatred and aimed to hurt.

You came to this board because of the bashing you took elsewhere and told me personally that you felt loved and respected and accepted here by me, joe.  By me.  I have no idea what remark you are referring to but sorry, playing the gay card is not going to work.  I am not the least but impressed,  shocked or predjudiced at the fact that you are attracted to men.  Many, many of my friends over the years a, including my sons godfather for petes sake are gay.  Its simply not a big deal to me.  there is simply no way that you would have stayed here if you thought i held some predjudice against you.  There were literally hundreds of boards to chose from at the time.

I know you are angry with me but you are taking it way too far.  for your own health please let it go a bit.  

I get it.  You dont like me., never have and like things better when im not around.  Im kind of stunned by it,  but i get it.  youve driven your point home.  can we please just end it now.  

This just nothing more to say.  Im sorry things turned out this way.

I was just going to post that I refuse to participate anymore on this attack on me that began yesterday. I have nothing else to say.

I don't remember ever using those exact words to you personally, Morgan. I do know I've told you more than one time that you almost ran me off the very first day I was here.

I don't dislike you. I dislike how you have treated me here in the past year or so, and especially yesterday and today. That's all. Don't make a mountain out of a molehill. REMEMBER....I didn't start this. Nor did I fan the flames. I merely defended myself. Paula started it and you singled me out by name and put words in my mouth....and then took words that I typed off the board. I wonder how that would bother you? I also didn't appreciate your comments about me starting my own board. The things you choose to say prove what you think of me, over and over again.

I don't play any kind of card, which, by definition, demeans my opinion once again.

These are the final words from me on any of this stuff. Go ahead and attack me, edit me, lie about me, delete me, blame me, accuse me....do whatever you want. I am going to continue posting like I always have. If you don't want to read what I have to say, ignore me. If you don't care to comment on what I say, then don't.

The end.

I hope you do continue to post joe.  And im glad you sound calmer.

I do not want to debate it any longer either.  Its over.  But i do want to say a gew things to you on a friendship level.

I do want to say on a personal level to you that i apologize for anything i might have said to you in the past that made you feel uncomfortable or made me seem predjudiced.  please accept that it was not intentional but i will gladly apologize anyway for whatever it was.  i can only repeat again that the man chosen to raise my children in the event of my death when they were younger is gay.  I cant imagine anything that can speak louder than that on my feelings on that subject, so please accept my apologies for anything i might have said as a misun misunderstanding or possibly a joke gone bad because i am not perfect.

I guess i live in a bubble.  I had no idea that you felt this way about me.  I thiught we were the closest of friends.  I honestly check the board on each holiday no matter how busy i might be to make sure you are not here and posting alone.  Why?   Because i love you joe and i truly believed ypu loved me also.  Not just liked me or tolerated me.  I thought you loved me and that i had created a beautiful family for you where you were loved and respected and welcomed.  I am stunned and deeply hurt to know  now that this is not our reality.  I know you are angry and i dont mind the angryvabout the post stuff but i am truly saddened to know your true opinion of me.  I spent most of the night crying over it.  Ill get over it.  Sometimes i just cant see reality because i want so much for people to just love each other.

I cant change iy so ill simply accept it and move on.  Its all i can do.

This is your home, these are your much loved friends, ilm glad you will continue to post.  I will always be here for you if you need me joe.   It was one problem.  I  have not targeted you in any way i promise.

Aplogy accepted, Morgan. That was very nice of you to type all that. Morgan, I love everyone here. It's just the way I am. So, I do love you too, and I apologize in return for leading you to believe that I disliked you. I so want to let all this go and move forward. I don't want to feel badly anymore, nor do I want you (or anyone else) to feel badly either.

I will end this by saying that Paula really burned me big time over the years. She was like a wolf in sheep's clothing. I had no idea until much later on that she was telling people to keep their distance from me because I was "hers." That freaked me out, but I continued to try to be a friend to Paula. It was Paula who dumped me, and everyone else here, after she found her boyfriend, which, if I remember correctly, she located him on the internet after she found out he was divorced. That kind of behavior is the kind that scares me because it is like stalking.

There were other things. One time she jumped all over me for being friendly with Katie....like a jealous girlfriend would act, and she was already involved with her boyfriend. She said that it didn't take me long to move on to Katie after her. VERY confusing to me. I reminded her that Katie, I, and SHE all used to joke around with each other and it was HER who stopped being involved. and that was the only thing that changed. I also told her that Katie always treated me ONE WAY....always very nice, and never anything else, and that I loved her a lot.

Then, on the rare occasions Paula would post, all she would post about was what she got for an occasion from her boyfriend, vacations they took, moving in together, etc. She quit wishing anyone a happy birthday or wishing anyone well if they lost a family member or friend or had medical problems. I think that represents what kind of person she is, to be candid. And it hurt my feelings, especially after the way she treated me the first few years I posted here. For her to get in touch with my neighbors to check on me to the point of not wishing me well for having quadruple bypass surgery....well, that's the kind of thing I take personally, and it offends and hurts me.

When she began to insert little digs here and there to me personally without saying my name (but everyone could figure out who she was talking about...I know I sure could) whenever she'd post (just like on her final post), I took it to PM and confronted her and told her I didn't appreciate it. If she had something to say to me, just say it on PM and get it over with.

There was another occasion when I got an email from her address, but sent from her boyfriend. This is what the email said: "Paula got a computer virus. Thanks a lot." I had no idea what he was talking about, so I wrote back and asked what that was all about. No response. So, I finally got hold of Paula, probably on PM, to ask why Patrick was sending me such a nasty email and accusing me of sending her a virus. She told me that he sent the email at her request. In the next several months, my computer became infected with several deep-seeded viruses that cost me $250 to get removed. I kept getting emails from Paula's email address with attachments, so I finally asked her to remove me from her address book so as to prevent me from getting any more of the viruses. It was ironic that they were accusing me of sending her a virus when I was getting viruses from them.

So, in a nutshell, although Paula was a very nice person to me at the beginning, and I know everyone here liked her very much....and she came across as someone who didn't like confrontation or arguments.....she certainly caused ME a whole bunch of problems. I will never forget that day when my neighbor came to me saying some woman named Paula was worried about me and was doing a welfare check. That was invasive and very much like a stalker. When she then further warned me that she would have my local police check on me if I didn't post for a couple days, I pretty much told her to leave me alone and to NEVER do anything like that. She scared me by then.

I'm sure this is more than you want to know, but I feel it is necessary for you to know since you were defending her (WITHOUT KNOWING THE FULL STORY) and getting me personally involved with her drama one more time.

Again, I do not want to discuss this again, nor will I. If you respond on this thread, I will not read it. As far as I'm concerned, what happened this week is over and done with, and I want to resume being friends with you, Morgan. Why Paula felt the need to ask to be deleted and then had to dig at me one more time when all she had to do is delete herself from the boards (yes, it's just that easy) without the drama...well, all I can think of is that she wanted to make me feel badly one more time before she left, and she succeeded. It was her choice to leave, but she didn't contribute anything for a long, long time anyhow, nor could she ever muster up a kind word or an icon on a thread where people were having health problems, problems in general, or dealing with the loss of a loved one. I think that says it all about character, so I will close on that note.

Peace to you, Morgan, my friend.

I understand better now knowing what led to the problem. I had no idea. Paula of course is different to me.

I do want to let this all go but i was really stunned when u said i had offended you in the past. I wanted to make sure you know that i would never choose to hurt you personally.

This whole thing has left me feeling that i really dont know any of you at all.

Thank you for your response.

Peace to you also.

Im going to move this thread to the kitchen in a few minutes so that it is off the main board.