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Morgan Rowan
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PostSubject: Lots of area for discussion on this one . . .   Thu Jul 30, 2009 7:26 pm

What do you think of this whole article ?

If this mother were your best friend what would you say to her about this whole article ?

Lets get the obvious out of the way - if her son turns out to be gay she will love and support him - step in the right directon - we all see that - but is this the way ? Does the husband have a point ? Are her choices for her son in his best interest.

Its for each of us to decide how to raise our children and I dont know this woman - its just an interesting discussion. If this was your child how would you have handled it ?

Silicon Valley Moms: If Adam Lambert does it, why can't my

* http://www.svmoms.com

This summer, I've been traveling around solo with my children, ages 4 and 8, more often than usual. After flying from the West Coast to the East Coast solo, we decided to spend five nights in a hotel near our former hometown in NJ. I planned the visit last-minute, so the days quickly became jam-packed with lunch and swimming and playdate invitations. To keep things sane, I decided to schedule the middle evening "off" and lured my daughter, Petunia, with the promise of an in-room spa date in the hotel room. Her little brother, Dash, a.k.a. "me too," was happy to comply.

After a stop for spa snacks (M&Ms), we stopped at an Ulta store to pick up supplies for a mani-pedi party. I chose my favorite red (OPI's "I'm Not Really a Waitress"), my daughter chose bright pink ("Shorts Story"), and my son chose bright royal blue ("Blue My Mind"). That's right - my four year-old son wanted to have a mani-pedi too. And I decided to let him, hoping that my husband, the Guv who wouldn't see us for two more days would support that decision.

Dash was so proud of those blue nails. He showed anyone who would look. At a friend's house the next day, he showed the dad, a tough-guy pilot. I asked, "Do you think the Guv is going to have a problem with that?" And he hemmed and hawed and said, "Depends on how badly he wants to avoid doing battle with you!"

Backing up in time a bit, when Dash started preschool two years ago, he wanted to wear one of his sister's headbands to school every day for the first week. The second day, the teacher pulled me aside and whispered, "Is this something we have to worry about?" I reacted strongly, and so did the Guv Dash was only 2.5 years old, and he wanted a comfort object from his beloved big sister with him throughout his first days of school. He had abandoned the headband by the next week. But in the back of my mind, I wondered... was the teacher's reaction homophobic? Was the "something to worry about" the idea that he might be cross-dressing and would end up gasp gay? I've seen many young boys, especially those with older sisters, try on princess dresses at our new preschool with no raised eyebrows, and my son will play Barbies with his sister anyday. Why do some people freak out about these things, all part of natural exploration? And if my son is gay, aren't we past the time when we think it's because I let him play with Barbies and paint his nails?

When the Guv picked us up from the train station and saw Dash's rather-chipped blue nails, he just sort of rolled his eyes and groaned. Petunia said, "Daddy, Adam Lambert from American Idol paints HIS nails! It's totally cool!" The Guv asked, "Do you think that a rock star is a good role model?" We had an interesting chat, and it turned out that no, the Guv wasn't really okay with his son's blue nails; the Guv was mostly concerned about what other people would think of us for letting Dash sport the polish that it was too permissive, and that lines needed to be drawn. I disagree, of course; I don't think that a four year-old needs lessons in social stigma just yet. But, in the interest of harmony, we've put the nail polish away until Daddy's next business trip. There are things each of us do that the other doesn't rubber-stamp, and we'll file this one under "don't ask, don't tell."

Roxane Dover is a contributor to the Silicon Valley Moms Blog, http://www.svmoms.com. When Rox isn't painting fingernails, tackling prejudice or figuring out ways to subvert the Guv, she chronicles her family's antics on Rox and Roll.
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PostSubject: Re: Lots of area for discussion on this one . . .   Fri Jul 31, 2009 2:43 pm

A boy or girl are gay because they are hardwired at birth to be attracted to one sex or the other...or both!

It has nothing to do with blue nail plish, wearing head bands, or listening to sparkly gay singers. One would hope that as the repressed US gets more used to normal, gay, out people, that they will stop quivering in their boots if a baby boy puts on a wig and shimmies to "Crocadile Rock."

I have a picture on my fridge of my (then) four year old dressed up in full blue makeup, blush, and lipstick, wearing his sister's pockadot dress and my heals. It's funny! He's cute! As an adult, he adores women, (it would be alright if he had a maie partner), but the fact that he dressed up as a girl had nothing to do with his sexuality...and everything to do with his sense of playfullness and willingness to go for the flash and drama. He still loves to dress up, but in disco cloths or pink footed jammies, and get up in front of people and party! He's an entertainer! and I suspect blue fingernil boy is one as well.
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PostSubject: Re: Lots of area for discussion on this one . . .   Fri Jul 31, 2009 3:00 pm

I agree happyjoy and I'm sure most here feel the same way but how do you feel about how the mother handled it.
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PostSubject: Re: Lots of area for discussion on this one . . .   Fri Jul 31, 2009 3:25 pm

Hmmm. I'd file it under a "much ado about nothing."

You have these two people and you are in a partnership. So you work it out. It makes a cute interestng story, the boy with blue nails, but I'd put in impact on the boy, the mother, the father, and the marriage at about ......zero.

My DH doesn't like the kids to chew gum, so they don't. I don't like them to eat before meals, so they don't. DH doesn't like my daughter to not tie her shoelaces. It doesn't bother me a bit, but it does him, so she ties her shoes. It's the yen and yang of a relationship. No biggie.
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PostSubject: Re: Lots of area for discussion on this one . . .   Fri Jul 31, 2009 4:00 pm

It seemed to me the mother was the one shining the big light on the situation in an effort to show herself as ' cool'. If a child that age pllayed dress up it means nothing so treat it as nothing I would say. No reason to ask anyone - no reason to blog - a baby playing monkey see monkey wanna do.

Here's my thoughts - a child less than 3 is too young to have nail polish on at all. Its toxic - they put it in thier mouths. Forget why he wants it -I'd say no.

but if I was convinced it was safe I'd put it on him and then simply remove it later in the day rather than use it as a tool to test my husband's acceptance level with.

As for the father, I think he is correct that it is his job to teach certain ways to represent oneself. If the child were going to church, school, something formal than youi remove it not because hes a boy - but because you should. The girls shoud be removed also for those occasions in my opinion. Shes a chlld.

certainly much ado about nothing but that kind of grandstanding can be harmful if done too oftenl

I also thought it a shame that they did things somehat behind each others bakcs and thought that was a fair way to teach a child. Differing styles and choices is just fine but it needs to be way out in the open.

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PostSubject: Re: Lots of area for discussion on this one . . .   Fri Jul 31, 2009 4:48 pm

Pick your battles, big picture, cute story to blog about....I just don't see it as anything other than a tidbit....an amuse bouche....a slice of life.

There is no hidden agenda, no snake behind the bush, just what she said, a short trip, a little kid that wants his nails done, a dad that doesn't want his kid to have chipped blue nails, moving on, nothing to see here.

I think it must be hard to come up with daily/weekly blog spots, so this week she wrote about nail polish. Next week she'll write about brussel sprouts and how she slipped them into her kids mashed potatos.....no biggie.
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PostSubject: Re: Lots of area for discussion on this one . . .   Fri Jul 31, 2009 9:56 pm

I want to commend the mother for being so accepting of her child whether he is just playing dress up or doing what mommy and sissy do because he is with them and doesn't want to be left out or if indeed one day it turns out that he is gay. This is a woman who seems to love her child no matter what the situation and allows him to be himself.

Here are some similar stories of my youngest nephew who is 3. He loves women's shoes and loves pink sparkly things, he picks Dora over Diego shoes because Dora is pink. When you take the boy to a shoe store he has to put on every woman's sparkly shoe he can find.

He goes into the bathroom and takes all my sister's maxi pads and puts them all over his body. The other day he stuck one in his underwear and asked mommy if she needed one to. And when she said no he said why not, and she said I'm not explaining this to a 3 year old boy.

A few weeks ago he put on my cousin's little girl's swimming suit that is pink and came out and said "daddy I want to wear this"

Could any of this mean that he is gay? Well maybe, could it just mean he loves pink and sparkly things and spends too much time with his momma (especially in the bathroom) could be, could it mean nothing at all and just be a phase that could be to. No one really knows, but the one thing I do know is that his momma and daddy let him be himself and don't make anything of any of the silly little things that he does that makes us all laugh all the time, and that if indeed it turns out that he is gay everyone will still love him just the same. None of us are worried about these cute little behaviors at all. We find them simply cute, silly, and a little boy just being a child.
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PostSubject: Re: Lots of area for discussion on this one . . .   Fri Jul 31, 2009 11:40 pm

My purpose in posting it was to spark debate. Just something interesting to disagree about.

Its posted in the controversy section here. I find it an interesting view of parent child relationships and thought it might be fun to dissect.

If debate makes anyone uncomfortable they should def avoid this area of the board marked " kitchen ".
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